Today, I feel like dying.

Today I feel like dying - in exchange for all the horrors in this world. 

My life, for Gaza. For the innocent children who don't have the privilege of a carefree childhood, for their parents who can only watch helplessly as their lives are broken and splintered into a thousand lost pieces.
For the innocent animals subjected to torture, poaching and neglect. For the barbaric incarcerations of America's natives who face an extinction of their own. For the homeless who have unheard stories, kicked to the gutter - viewed as stains on our pavements. For the Earth who seldom complains at her unjust disregard. Are we not all related? Are we not ALL ONE?

This post comes from my heart. There will be no editing, re-reading or correction... this is how I feel. Today, I feel like dying.

What is happening? What has seemingly always happened throughout time to make us such a bitter-sweet species? Daily I view beautiful souls - caring souls - souls with empathy, compassion and heart. Yet here we are, vile and disgusting, killing, maiming - chewing each others souls like the indispensable shit we consume each and every day, often turning the other cheek, looking away guiltily - doing NOTHING!

I'm guilty, are you? Posting meaningless messages on social network sites, worrying about pointless crap that the people in Gaza would accept in a blink instead of having to look to the skies - wondering if they will be the next target. We walk around in bubbles, sharing our concerns with friends and loved ones - safe and free. But what do we actually do? What CAN we do? This gets me the most... I literally do not know where to start or how I can help. A society full of apathy. A world full of the blind.

I'm truly gutted today. I feel helpless and shameful - I don't know what to do other than try and make sense of this mess by writing about it. I feel empty. Today, I feel like dying in exchange for world peace and fairness. Today I would gladly give my life if I could stop all the wars, the hurt, death and fear. Today would be a good day to die if only I could end all misery.

There is a Lakota Sioux prayer: Mitakuye Oyasin - "We are all related." Please take a moment to read it, feel it and digest it. 

Aho Mitakuye Oyasin...

All my relations. I honor you in this circle of life with me today. I am grateful for this opportunity to acknowledge you in this prayer....
To the Creator, for the ultimate gift of life, I thank you.
To the mineral nation that has built and maintained my bones and all foundations of life experience, I thank you.
To the plant nation that sustains my organs and body and gives me healing herbs for sickness, I thank you.
To the animal nation that feeds me from your own flesh and offers your loyal companionship in this walk of life, I thank you.
To the human nation that shares my path as a soul upon the sacred wheel of Earthly life, I thank you.
To the Spirit nation that guides me invisibly through the ups and downs of life and for carrying the torch of light through the Ages, I thank you.
To the Four Winds of Change and Growth, I thank you.
You are all my relations, my relatives, without whom I would not live. We are in the circle of life together, co-existing, co-dependent, co-creating our destiny. One, not more important than the other. One nation evolving from the other and yet each dependent upon the one above and the one below. All of us a part of the Great Mystery.
Thank you for this Life.

How is it we have become so disconnected from each other that not only do we watch from the amphitheater of life, but we allow our governments to afflict such atrocities?  This is not how we should be living, for most it is no life at all...

Today I feel like dying. Hands bound, eyes shut - voice unheard. I cannot feel hate for those who are causing such pain, because the pot of hate is already bubbling over. I cannot despise those (myself included) for how little we contribute to resolving the massacre of 'All our relatives' as it happens, heads turned slightly away, focusing on the lies which have been paraded as a free world by a body of complete assholes who painted the illusion in clear site of us all . I cannot feel enough shame for the privileged life it would appear I have, while others suffer through no fault of their own. 

And yet here I am, tormented, contributing to that vile mountain of apathy while murder and rape and suffering and torture happens while I eat and drive and play and sleep as though nothing is wrong in the world.

It isn't enough to just feel the pain in our world - that simply isn't good enough. It isn't enough to only shed tears when we witness these things, even if they are heartfelt and genuine. 

I have decided that writing and Journalism are how I intend to help, but right now I am on the first rung of that ladder, a frustrating ladder which can only be climbed one plank at a time. Right now that is no good to anybody. I mean well, have intentions of helping - doing some good... but surely there must be a more immediate way of protecting, nurturing - re-balancing a world with a shell more fragile than an egg?

Today I feel like dying because I watch war and false-flag propaganda meant as distractions for an even bigger agenda of horseshit. Today I want to offer my life in return for truth and equality, instead of greed and corruption by those in high places, instead of watching the illusion as if it were a documentary and being unable to find a way to bring these corrupt souls to justice. 

Today my hope is as futile as the mess we are in... today all I can do is send out love and prayers for 'all my relations'... today I feel a void of sadness beyond words.


  1. I've come to this post a bit late, but Save The Children have an emergency fund which is used for specific emergencies, and Gaza is on the list. It's desperate to watch the news at the moment, but at least these little crumbs mean we aren't entirely powerless to help.


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